Why is it that the first time you're doing a critical task at work by yourself, it goes horribly wrong and you have to call someone in for overtime at 11 p.m.? We have a printer at my job that is absolutely critical — if it goes down, we have no newspaper the next day. And the first time I'm in charge of sending the film through without my boss here, it decides it's going to stop working three pages in for over an hour, until I had to call her in on her night off to fix it. *headdesk*
Well, at least we got it figured out before we had to call in the maintenance guy, too. And hopefully that's out of the way and next week will go nice and smoothly.
Still, there's this scene in the movie "Armageddon" where the Russian cosmonaut at the space station gets frustrated with a machine and beats it with a crowbar until it starts working again. I have never wanted to re-enact that scene so badly.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
*sigh*
Thanksgiving kind of sucks if you can't eat 90 percent of the meal and aren't into football or basketball. Just saying.
Seeing family was awesome, though.
Seeing family was awesome, though.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Lingguwista I am not
Ako nagsasalita ng tagalog maganda.
No, really, it's true, I'm really, really bad at it.
I'm learning, though. (Ako malaman?) I want to take a class — watching soap operas on YouTube and listening to music is not going to help much but my vocabulary, I think.
No, really, it's true, I'm really, really bad at it.
I'm learning, though. (Ako malaman?) I want to take a class — watching soap operas on YouTube and listening to music is not going to help much but my vocabulary, I think.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
My roommate is amazing
So it took two incidents, one with a fish sandwich and one with a slice of pizza, to convince me that:
a.) I am, in fact, quite allergic to wheat
b.) I will never, ever eat anything with gluten in it on purpose again, EVER
I knew cutting gluten out of my diet entirely had helped me feel a lot better, but after my two "trials," I felt like an old woman. My joints ached, my skin felt dry and my chest and arms broke out in eczema, my vertigo returned with a vengeance, my eyes felt fuzzy and sandy, and I felt bloated and heavy for days.
Never again.
That time with the mole was not so awesome, either, though not as bad as the pizza, which I am still shaking off a week later.
Aside from those two incidents, I haven't had bread, sweets, etc. I've been craving desserts and pasta especially. In fact, I've mostly been eating a handful of foods over and over and over again.
So when I came home from work Friday night and my roommate greeted me with awesome, gluten-free brownies that taste SO GOOD, and fantastic veggie soup, and a list of websites she'd found for me while she was bored and cooking ... wow. I've been poring over Gluten-Free Girl ever since. (And reading her list of symptoms, it's like seeing how I've been feeling for years and years.)
I'm excited; I have ideas for foods I can actually eat instead of the same rice noodles every night. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow. And I'm going to start doing my own research and looking instead of letting other people kick me into gear.
And tonight, I'm going to enjoy myself some awesome brownies.
a.) I am, in fact, quite allergic to wheat
b.) I will never, ever eat anything with gluten in it on purpose again, EVER
I knew cutting gluten out of my diet entirely had helped me feel a lot better, but after my two "trials," I felt like an old woman. My joints ached, my skin felt dry and my chest and arms broke out in eczema, my vertigo returned with a vengeance, my eyes felt fuzzy and sandy, and I felt bloated and heavy for days.
Never again.
That time with the mole was not so awesome, either, though not as bad as the pizza, which I am still shaking off a week later.
Aside from those two incidents, I haven't had bread, sweets, etc. I've been craving desserts and pasta especially. In fact, I've mostly been eating a handful of foods over and over and over again.
So when I came home from work Friday night and my roommate greeted me with awesome, gluten-free brownies that taste SO GOOD, and fantastic veggie soup, and a list of websites she'd found for me while she was bored and cooking ... wow. I've been poring over Gluten-Free Girl ever since. (And reading her list of symptoms, it's like seeing how I've been feeling for years and years.)
I'm excited; I have ideas for foods I can actually eat instead of the same rice noodles every night. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow. And I'm going to start doing my own research and looking instead of letting other people kick me into gear.
And tonight, I'm going to enjoy myself some awesome brownies.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Proud to be American today
Not that I haven't been proud before! But to be honest, even after they called the race last night, I didn't really believe it. I still can't believe it, a little. And I'm so, so proud to have been part of such an incredible moment in American history.
There is so much we still need to do, though. President Obama — and that sounds so strange after being so sure it would be President McCain — was right in his speech last night. There is a lot of work needed to turn this country around, and he cannot do it alone. The Democrats cannot do it alone, either — there needs to be unity and cooperation between everyone in this country.
I truly think President Obama can get us there. And just like the election, I want to be involved.
But for all of my pride and elation over the presidential outcome, I am so disappointed in California right now. I cannot believe that we can call ourselves a democratic state if we refuse to give everyone equal rights. I have a lot of investment in marriage equality — if it weren't for cases like Loving v. Virginia, I would not be alive right now. And I cannot believe that my state, the state I have been so incredibly proud to be a resident of, would deny happiness to people.
It's not over yet. There are 18,000 marriages in this state that are now illegal, but the state constitution itself prohibits nullifying them. There's also the fact that, due to the Supreme Court decision, the amendment itself is illegal because homosexuality is a protected class like religion, race and disability.
I'm hopeful. I'm disappointed in California, but I am so hopeful that good will come out of this election. And I really want to be part of it.
There is so much we still need to do, though. President Obama — and that sounds so strange after being so sure it would be President McCain — was right in his speech last night. There is a lot of work needed to turn this country around, and he cannot do it alone. The Democrats cannot do it alone, either — there needs to be unity and cooperation between everyone in this country.
I truly think President Obama can get us there. And just like the election, I want to be involved.
But for all of my pride and elation over the presidential outcome, I am so disappointed in California right now. I cannot believe that we can call ourselves a democratic state if we refuse to give everyone equal rights. I have a lot of investment in marriage equality — if it weren't for cases like Loving v. Virginia, I would not be alive right now. And I cannot believe that my state, the state I have been so incredibly proud to be a resident of, would deny happiness to people.
It's not over yet. There are 18,000 marriages in this state that are now illegal, but the state constitution itself prohibits nullifying them. There's also the fact that, due to the Supreme Court decision, the amendment itself is illegal because homosexuality is a protected class like religion, race and disability.
I'm hopeful. I'm disappointed in California, but I am so hopeful that good will come out of this election. And I really want to be part of it.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Writer's block
I signed up for NaNoWriMo this month, and 45 minutes in and I still don't know what to write about. I'm too tired right now, though — I really do not have the mental energy to do more than just sit and watch TV, or maybe mindlessly kill stuff.
So, a plot and 4,000 words is my goal for tomorrow.
So, a plot and 4,000 words is my goal for tomorrow.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Synesthesia and related
I've mentioned my synesthesia here, but never really gotten into what it is or how it affects me.
Back in the summer of 2001, I was working as an office temp for a medical office over the summer, and often ran out of things to do by 2 p.m. but had to stick around until 5 to check in patients and answer phones. As a result, I was reading the copies of "Time" that were in the waiting room for the patients, and I ran across this article. And I kind of freaked.
Synesthesia is when your senses are, for lack of a better term, cross-wired. For example, I can hear tastes and taste sounds. Because I also see sounds as colors and shapes, this means I often translate tastes into color and shape as well. For example, one time while explaining this to my friends, I explained that watermelon-flavored Blow Pops taste like Irish music (specifically, a reel —and there must be a fiddle, because they have a very fiddley sound). This is now, on a side-note, the "catch-phrase" they all associate with me. Anyway, they also taste very much like burnt siena, not because that's the actual flavor, but because that is what fiddley Irish reels tend to taste like. Note I said taste and not look — that's 'cause I'm all screwy. And yes, that's in addition to tasting like watermelon candy.
I do also have grapheme-color synesthesia, which is the most common form; most (but not all) people with other forms also have this. Which means that, for example, the title of this blog is red ("siya"), orange ("that") and green ("girl"). These are not colors I associate with those words — those are the colors that the words are. They've always been that color, they always will be that color, and I didn't choose them. That's just what they look like to me.
Not everyone experiences this the same way, and we can get very frustrated when confronted with someone else's synesthesia (not its existence, but their specific experiences). For example, I once had to leave a classroom when the professor was sharing a Rimbaud poem, because the colors he gave letters in the poem were so completely wrong it upset me. Sean Day (in the "Time" article) sees harmonica music as blue-green; for me, it is a very sharp reddish-purple with yellowy-orange highlights.
One of the reasons I've always had this intense curiosity to try LSD — not that I am brave enough to break the law or stupid enough to try it without someone around who could get me through a bad trip intact — is because it is supposed to cause synesthesia-like experiences for people without the ability, and I want to see what would happen if someone who already had synesthesia used it.
Anyway, I kind of freaked because I had never heard of this before, but I did know that most people did not taste music or mix up 2 and 6 because they are EXACTLY the same shade of blue, and finding out that not only was I not the only person who did this, but there was actually a name for it and scientific studies about it, was completely overwhelming to me. But it was really cool to find out that I was not, after all, completely insane. Always a plus, yes?
As I did a little more research, I found some other, related issues issues that I have are connected to synesthesia. Like my inability to tell my left from my right (I can "set" myself for the day with the "L" hand trick, but all bets are off once I've slept or if I haven't needed it for the day), a very good memory (I don't have a great visual memory, so it's not technically photographic, but I remember details of everything I've ever read* or heard and I have a very good spatial memory) and trouble with mathematics — if a formula is right in front of me, I can do it, but give me an application for it, and I can't begin to figure out what information is needed or how to put it together. Word problems destroyed my math grades from third grade on and killed my dreams of a physics degree.
What's interesting to me is that my sister, my grandmother, my aunt, and several of my cousins also have the left-right confusion, and most of them have dyslexia except one cousin who also has synesthesia (I found out after I found a name for it) — and I've heard that the two are related. Kind of weird.
I was mostly thinking about this today as I read another blogger's description of faceblindness and realized I'd never really talked about this. I think it's really fascinating how different all of our perceptions of the world are.
*The "Time" article? I found it again because I remember reading it in the beginning of August in 2001, I remembered that it was from that year and the month was red, so it must have been April or May, that it was in "Time" and that the story was about a little boy named Sean and it talked about how he saw music. I have not read that article since August 2001, nor did I have a copy saved. I just did a Google search for the key points I remembered in order to find it. I don't remember the other stories in that issue because I think I just read that one and then went on an "OMG THIS IS IT, GOOGLE" spree, but I do remember that Timothy McVeigh's execution delay was the cover story, because that's why I was reading that particular issue. This is how my memory works, and it's not as awesome as you'd think.
Oh, and the left-right thing? Sucks, by the way. I can't tell east and west apart, either.
Back in the summer of 2001, I was working as an office temp for a medical office over the summer, and often ran out of things to do by 2 p.m. but had to stick around until 5 to check in patients and answer phones. As a result, I was reading the copies of "Time" that were in the waiting room for the patients, and I ran across this article. And I kind of freaked.
Synesthesia is when your senses are, for lack of a better term, cross-wired. For example, I can hear tastes and taste sounds. Because I also see sounds as colors and shapes, this means I often translate tastes into color and shape as well. For example, one time while explaining this to my friends, I explained that watermelon-flavored Blow Pops taste like Irish music (specifically, a reel —and there must be a fiddle, because they have a very fiddley sound). This is now, on a side-note, the "catch-phrase" they all associate with me. Anyway, they also taste very much like burnt siena, not because that's the actual flavor, but because that is what fiddley Irish reels tend to taste like. Note I said taste and not look — that's 'cause I'm all screwy. And yes, that's in addition to tasting like watermelon candy.
I do also have grapheme-color synesthesia, which is the most common form; most (but not all) people with other forms also have this. Which means that, for example, the title of this blog is red ("siya"), orange ("that") and green ("girl"). These are not colors I associate with those words — those are the colors that the words are. They've always been that color, they always will be that color, and I didn't choose them. That's just what they look like to me.
Not everyone experiences this the same way, and we can get very frustrated when confronted with someone else's synesthesia (not its existence, but their specific experiences). For example, I once had to leave a classroom when the professor was sharing a Rimbaud poem, because the colors he gave letters in the poem were so completely wrong it upset me. Sean Day (in the "Time" article) sees harmonica music as blue-green; for me, it is a very sharp reddish-purple with yellowy-orange highlights.
One of the reasons I've always had this intense curiosity to try LSD — not that I am brave enough to break the law or stupid enough to try it without someone around who could get me through a bad trip intact — is because it is supposed to cause synesthesia-like experiences for people without the ability, and I want to see what would happen if someone who already had synesthesia used it.
Anyway, I kind of freaked because I had never heard of this before, but I did know that most people did not taste music or mix up 2 and 6 because they are EXACTLY the same shade of blue, and finding out that not only was I not the only person who did this, but there was actually a name for it and scientific studies about it, was completely overwhelming to me. But it was really cool to find out that I was not, after all, completely insane. Always a plus, yes?
As I did a little more research, I found some other, related issues issues that I have are connected to synesthesia. Like my inability to tell my left from my right (I can "set" myself for the day with the "L" hand trick, but all bets are off once I've slept or if I haven't needed it for the day), a very good memory (I don't have a great visual memory, so it's not technically photographic, but I remember details of everything I've ever read* or heard and I have a very good spatial memory) and trouble with mathematics — if a formula is right in front of me, I can do it, but give me an application for it, and I can't begin to figure out what information is needed or how to put it together. Word problems destroyed my math grades from third grade on and killed my dreams of a physics degree.
What's interesting to me is that my sister, my grandmother, my aunt, and several of my cousins also have the left-right confusion, and most of them have dyslexia except one cousin who also has synesthesia (I found out after I found a name for it) — and I've heard that the two are related. Kind of weird.
I was mostly thinking about this today as I read another blogger's description of faceblindness and realized I'd never really talked about this. I think it's really fascinating how different all of our perceptions of the world are.
*The "Time" article? I found it again because I remember reading it in the beginning of August in 2001, I remembered that it was from that year and the month was red, so it must have been April or May, that it was in "Time" and that the story was about a little boy named Sean and it talked about how he saw music. I have not read that article since August 2001, nor did I have a copy saved. I just did a Google search for the key points I remembered in order to find it. I don't remember the other stories in that issue because I think I just read that one and then went on an "OMG THIS IS IT, GOOGLE" spree, but I do remember that Timothy McVeigh's execution delay was the cover story, because that's why I was reading that particular issue. This is how my memory works, and it's not as awesome as you'd think.
Oh, and the left-right thing? Sucks, by the way. I can't tell east and west apart, either.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Identity and politics
Not identity politics, thank you very much. I'm not going to go into the problems with that phrase here, but let's just all agree that most people's identities play a role in their political choices.
Anyway.
The thing that has bothered me most about this race is the nasty attitudes coming out about Sen. Obama (and to a lesser extent, Sen. Clinton and Gov. Palin, but I want to focus on the other thing right now). People have problems with him that they would never have about a white candidate — he has been accused of being an Arab and a Muslim (and, to paraphrase Gen. Powell, so what if he was? Young Americans who happen to be Arab or Muslim shouldn't dream of one day being president?), his image has appeared in racist propaganda — including proposed "food stamp" bucks that portrayed his face with a bucket of fried chicken and watermelon — and rumors have swirled that he "hates white people" or "wants to enslave white people" (that last one even showed up on PostSecret).
Ouch. Do people forget that he had a white mother, or that he was raised by his white grandparents? Do they forget that their values are the ones he learned? Anyone who has read "Dreams From My Father" or listened to him talk about his childhood knows that his mother and his grandparents were just as important to him in his formation of his identity.
I grew up in a similar situation to Sen. Obama. Though both of my parents are mixed, my mother's family identified as German and has for generations. They are the people who raised me, and I grew up mostly identifying myself the same way — but never have I been more aware of my mixed heritage than in this election, where it has become quite clear that people who are not "pure" can be horribly mistreated in public opinion with very little opposition or even attention. And when they point it out gently ("They're going to say I don't look like those presidents on the dollar bills" — and, ironically, one of the McCain campaign's ads does just that), they are accused of playing the race card.
And then a few days ago, I read an article that interviewed Democratic McCain supporters — and many of them gave Obama's heritage as their reason for supporting Sen. McCain. One person even said that he felt it was a sin to mix the races.
Ouch again.
I have no problem with people voting for the candidate of their choice, and in fact encourage it. I don't expect everyone to support the same person I do. But I wonder if people know how incredibly hurtful it is for those of us from similar backgrounds to hear their opinions on Sen. Obama's background? I wonder if they realize that attitudes like this are why so many of us who are part-white identify with our non-white ancestors more? I wonder if they realize that this kind of attitude is just as much "identity politics" as anything else?
And it's really hurtful to see people you thought well of use these tired, racist insults without even thinking that they might be offending or hurting someone.
Anyway.
The thing that has bothered me most about this race is the nasty attitudes coming out about Sen. Obama (and to a lesser extent, Sen. Clinton and Gov. Palin, but I want to focus on the other thing right now). People have problems with him that they would never have about a white candidate — he has been accused of being an Arab and a Muslim (and, to paraphrase Gen. Powell, so what if he was? Young Americans who happen to be Arab or Muslim shouldn't dream of one day being president?), his image has appeared in racist propaganda — including proposed "food stamp" bucks that portrayed his face with a bucket of fried chicken and watermelon — and rumors have swirled that he "hates white people" or "wants to enslave white people" (that last one even showed up on PostSecret).
Ouch. Do people forget that he had a white mother, or that he was raised by his white grandparents? Do they forget that their values are the ones he learned? Anyone who has read "Dreams From My Father" or listened to him talk about his childhood knows that his mother and his grandparents were just as important to him in his formation of his identity.
I grew up in a similar situation to Sen. Obama. Though both of my parents are mixed, my mother's family identified as German and has for generations. They are the people who raised me, and I grew up mostly identifying myself the same way — but never have I been more aware of my mixed heritage than in this election, where it has become quite clear that people who are not "pure" can be horribly mistreated in public opinion with very little opposition or even attention. And when they point it out gently ("They're going to say I don't look like those presidents on the dollar bills" — and, ironically, one of the McCain campaign's ads does just that), they are accused of playing the race card.
And then a few days ago, I read an article that interviewed Democratic McCain supporters — and many of them gave Obama's heritage as their reason for supporting Sen. McCain. One person even said that he felt it was a sin to mix the races.
Ouch again.
I have no problem with people voting for the candidate of their choice, and in fact encourage it. I don't expect everyone to support the same person I do. But I wonder if people know how incredibly hurtful it is for those of us from similar backgrounds to hear their opinions on Sen. Obama's background? I wonder if they realize that attitudes like this are why so many of us who are part-white identify with our non-white ancestors more? I wonder if they realize that this kind of attitude is just as much "identity politics" as anything else?
And it's really hurtful to see people you thought well of use these tired, racist insults without even thinking that they might be offending or hurting someone.
Oh sisters
My sister has been sending me bumper stickers on Facebook for, like, a month, and I finally broke down and accepted the application so I could see them. 90 percent of them are jokes about being short, Asian, and a geek and the other 10 percent are hot guys.
My sister knows me way too well.
My sister knows me way too well.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Working nights
I really love working nights a lot, honestly. It's nice to be somewhere where there aren't a lot of people and isn't a lot of craziness during my working hours, and heading home is so quiet. I like being able to sleep in and still having time to play around or do household shit before work.
But I'd really like to take a class or two, and this isn't a real good schedule for that, unfortunately. Nor is it all that conducive to having a social life.
You win some, you lose some.
But I'd really like to take a class or two, and this isn't a real good schedule for that, unfortunately. Nor is it all that conducive to having a social life.
You win some, you lose some.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Save a place, I'll be there
I'm really starting to feel stifled and ready to move on. Unfortunately, my financial situation (and lease) mean I am going to be stuck in this place until at least June. I'd been feeling somewhat restless and ready to shake the vineyard dust from my feet, but it was just a vague sense in the back of my mind. When it was time to leave New York (and time to head off for New York), it took months to build — almost a year, even. So I figured I'd be content with this place for a bit longer.
Nope, my gut says. Time to go now! Well, it's going to have to wait until I line up a job, sell off some of my crap, and figure out what's going on — and all of that will need to wait until after Christmas, because of the aforementioned lease.
I'm looking at New Mexico — I had planned to move to Arizona, because that's where my teaching certification was going to be good for, but since I withdrew from the teaching program, I'm not tied to Arizona anymore.
I've wanted to live in New Mexico since Gram and I drove through the state when I was in seventh grade, though. Specifically, I kind of fell in love with Santa Fe and Gallup — Gallup being smaller than my current town of residence, though, I think I would prefer Santa Fe.
So what to do until it's time to go? Well, I can start getting a feel for the area. I can start slowly getting rid of all of the crap I have accumulated in the past couple of years. I can start researching companies out there and keep an eye on who is hiring and what jobs are most plentiful. I can figure out what the transportation situation is like, and if it's as lame as here, start working on some sort of moving vehicle license. And then, when January rolls around, I can start sending out my resume for places to keep "on file" in case something opens up.
And hope my itchy feet stay quiet for a little while longer so I don't go crazy.
Nope, my gut says. Time to go now! Well, it's going to have to wait until I line up a job, sell off some of my crap, and figure out what's going on — and all of that will need to wait until after Christmas, because of the aforementioned lease.
I'm looking at New Mexico — I had planned to move to Arizona, because that's where my teaching certification was going to be good for, but since I withdrew from the teaching program, I'm not tied to Arizona anymore.
I've wanted to live in New Mexico since Gram and I drove through the state when I was in seventh grade, though. Specifically, I kind of fell in love with Santa Fe and Gallup — Gallup being smaller than my current town of residence, though, I think I would prefer Santa Fe.
So what to do until it's time to go? Well, I can start getting a feel for the area. I can start slowly getting rid of all of the crap I have accumulated in the past couple of years. I can start researching companies out there and keep an eye on who is hiring and what jobs are most plentiful. I can figure out what the transportation situation is like, and if it's as lame as here, start working on some sort of moving vehicle license. And then, when January rolls around, I can start sending out my resume for places to keep "on file" in case something opens up.
And hope my itchy feet stay quiet for a little while longer so I don't go crazy.
Friday, October 3, 2008
A photographic memory is not all that cool
Seriously, it's really annoying remembering random-ass details about everything you've read in the past, but not that you have to pick up flea stuff for your cats.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
I am boring
No, really.
See, I have two other blogs, plus a paid blogging gig at my place of employment. You can find the blog devoted to my current hobby-of-choice, World of Warcraft, through my Blogger profile.
The political commentary blog I will not be linking here, though I might repost the occasional entry, because I hold some very unpopular opinions rather closely — while I'm not worried about scaring anyone off over here, I do plan to use THIS space to discuss a lot of personal stuff, and don't want to give ammo to the haters.
The work-related blog? I don't know. I'm hesitant, for some reason.
But anyway, a lot of what I have to say ends up at those places or on my Facebook, leaving me with little to talk about over here. Something I will need to rectify.
See, I have two other blogs, plus a paid blogging gig at my place of employment. You can find the blog devoted to my current hobby-of-choice, World of Warcraft, through my Blogger profile.
The political commentary blog I will not be linking here, though I might repost the occasional entry, because I hold some very unpopular opinions rather closely — while I'm not worried about scaring anyone off over here, I do plan to use THIS space to discuss a lot of personal stuff, and don't want to give ammo to the haters.
The work-related blog? I don't know. I'm hesitant, for some reason.
But anyway, a lot of what I have to say ends up at those places or on my Facebook, leaving me with little to talk about over here. Something I will need to rectify.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Weird thoughts
I was thinking about my bio-father earlier today. When I first decided to find him and contact him four years ago, I was kind of obsessive about it. It's like once I decided to care, I was making up for 22 years of pretending he didn't exist or something. Anyway, I Googled him daily, I read everything he wrote — bizarrely, he is a Civil War history buff, which is one of the few areas of U.S. history I obsess over myself.
I wrote him, and got a sterile, typed letter back with medical info I asked for and a request not to contact him or any of the rest of my family. So I obsessed over that for a while, because it hurt. But I got over it.
I don't really think about him that often any more — I still Google him on occasion, but it's certainly not a daily thing. I do wonder about my sisters (whom he didn't tell me about, but like I said, Google) sometimes, but really, I've moved on. That side of my family will not be a part of my life, and while that sucks, obsessing over it will not help in the least.
Every once in a while, though, I fantasize about him writing me or calling me or showing up at my door, and try to figure out how I would react. Would I welcome him? After the way he's treated me for 26 years, doubtful; besides, I already have a real dad. We're unconnected by DNA, but he raised me all the same, and I'd never betray him just because of a blood tie that's apparently worthless. But I don't know if I'd be able to just hang up, or toss the letter, or close the door in his face, either. I don't know if I could. I'm too curious.
Weird, considering I've never met the guy or spoken to him.
I wrote him, and got a sterile, typed letter back with medical info I asked for and a request not to contact him or any of the rest of my family. So I obsessed over that for a while, because it hurt. But I got over it.
I don't really think about him that often any more — I still Google him on occasion, but it's certainly not a daily thing. I do wonder about my sisters (whom he didn't tell me about, but like I said, Google) sometimes, but really, I've moved on. That side of my family will not be a part of my life, and while that sucks, obsessing over it will not help in the least.
Every once in a while, though, I fantasize about him writing me or calling me or showing up at my door, and try to figure out how I would react. Would I welcome him? After the way he's treated me for 26 years, doubtful; besides, I already have a real dad. We're unconnected by DNA, but he raised me all the same, and I'd never betray him just because of a blood tie that's apparently worthless. But I don't know if I'd be able to just hang up, or toss the letter, or close the door in his face, either. I don't know if I could. I'm too curious.
Weird, considering I've never met the guy or spoken to him.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Not to get all emo
But the thing I miss the absolute most about college/New York/being 20 is that back then, there were always people around (and awake). I love to be alone and all, but damn, would it be nice to have some company at 2:20 a.m. sometimes, you know? I want the option. But now that I'm a grown-up (which sucks!) and half my friends are married and have day jobs or children or both, I never have anyone to hang out with. When I wake up, everyone I know is at work, and when I get home, everyone I know is asleep. It sucks.
I really miss New York for this reason more than any other. No matter what day it is, what time of day, what your mood is, whatever, there's always SOMETHING to do. I want that back. Only with better food and occasional sunshine.
I really miss New York for this reason more than any other. No matter what day it is, what time of day, what your mood is, whatever, there's always SOMETHING to do. I want that back. Only with better food and occasional sunshine.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
I cannot believe it
How have I lived 26 years without know about this movie?
"Breaker! Breaker!" (1977) stars Chuck Norris as a "martial arts trucker whose kid brother disappears in a redneck town run by a corrupt judge." That is the exact description as given by my OnDemand service.
PRE-BEARD CHUCK NORRIS. OMG. (They must have used makeup to hide the other fist.) This is by far not the most ridiculous part of this movie.
EDIT: This movie has everything! Blackmail using children, deformed teddy bears, see-through helicopters, crazy doll ladies, a jail cell furnished with honest-to-God HAY, and Chuck Norris kicking a whole lot of ass.
Makes me wish I was a martial arts trucker.
"Breaker! Breaker!" (1977) stars Chuck Norris as a "martial arts trucker whose kid brother disappears in a redneck town run by a corrupt judge." That is the exact description as given by my OnDemand service.
PRE-BEARD CHUCK NORRIS. OMG. (They must have used makeup to hide the other fist.) This is by far not the most ridiculous part of this movie.
EDIT: This movie has everything! Blackmail using children, deformed teddy bears, see-through helicopters, crazy doll ladies, a jail cell furnished with honest-to-God HAY, and Chuck Norris kicking a whole lot of ass.
Makes me wish I was a martial arts trucker.
Friday, September 19, 2008
WTB free health care
If we're now a socialist country — and I assume that we are, since our government is nationalizing Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and with the stock market bailout and all — can we at least get some universal health care out of it?
The bad part of working nights
Sometimes, I get home at night and I just really feel like being social (as opposed to most nights, where I feel very antisocial and just want to come home and watch "Ghosthunters" or whatever).
Only no one I know is awake at 1:30 a.m. except my co-workers.
So sometimes I open random AIM chatrooms and have conversations with myself.
*shifty eyes*
Only no one I know is awake at 1:30 a.m. except my co-workers.
So sometimes I open random AIM chatrooms and have conversations with myself.
*shifty eyes*
Sunday, September 14, 2008
A conundrum
I think the lyrics to "Bounce" are pretty horrible ... but the song itself is super catchy. Kinda like "Back That Ass Up."
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Funniest. Shit. Ever.
"Badass of the Week: Osceola" is so awesome that I cannot properly describe it. So I'll just quote it.
Seriously, go read the whole thing, it's fantastic. The other ones probably are, too; this is just the one I got in my e-mail. *goes to read the rest*
It wasn't long before the Seminoles began fighting back like a self-reliant housewife in a bad Lifetime Original Movie. Though he had no supplies, little in the way of weapons, and no reinforcements to speak of, Osceola took his war parties against the full might of the U.S. Army like a squadron of X-Wings assaulting the Death Star in the space above Yavin IV. He launched hit-and-run attacks against technologically and numerically superior American patrols, flying in out of nowhere, ambushing the shit out of the enemy, killing anyone foolish enough to not immediately run screaming into the woods, and then looting the supply trains. Using these tactics, Osceola was able to secure a large stockpile of weapons and medical supplies, which he then used to launch raids on American villages and towns. The contant Seminole attacks had many panicked white settlers taking the first train back to Whiteyville, and the tribes bolstered their numbers by destroying a bunch of huge plantations and recruiting the freed slaves into their ranks.
Seriously, go read the whole thing, it's fantastic. The other ones probably are, too; this is just the one I got in my e-mail. *goes to read the rest*
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Hidden wheat
Do you know what has wheat in it? Fucking SOY SAUCE. What the hell?
It's a good thing I prefer my sticky rice plain as God intended it, or I'd be pretty pissed right now.
It's a good thing I prefer my sticky rice plain as God intended it, or I'd be pretty pissed right now.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Movies
I am a total sucker for horrible dance and dance-related movies. I swear, there is something wrong with me.
For instance, I rented "Step Up 2 The Streets" and watched it three times, back to back. (To be fair, I fastforwarded through the "movie" parts and just watched the dancing the second and third time.) Name a dance movie filmed after 1995 and I guarantee I've seen it, from "Honey" to "How She Move."
I'm also a pushover for cheesy ice-skating movies (somehow, these are connected in my head). Which is why I watched the third "Cutting Edge" movie last night. It was cute, even though it was honestly a really bad movie. It was also almost identical, script-wise, to the first, except the hockey player and figure skater switched genders. And I'd watch it again, too. *shifty eyes* I have horrible taste in movies, I think. My roommate was not quite as entranced by the awfulness, though.
And then we watched "Marigold," which was an attempt to blend Bollywood and Hollywood, and had Nikkiessica from "Heroes" in it. It wasn't too bad, either. I have to admit I cried near the end. It was pretty cute — standard script, but pretty cute.
What we really wanted to rent was "The Forbidden Kingdom." We actually had a conversation with the rental guy about it — he wanted to know what we liked about it, because it really was a standard "white kid goes back in time to non-white place, kicks ass and takes names" kind of story. But I really loved how they managed to work the whole into the West mythology into the movie, and come on, Jackie Chan and Jet Li in one movie? The choreography was fucking amazing. Plus, Will Stronghold. ("Sky High" was awesome.) But it wasn't released until today, nor was the second season of "Ugly Betty."
I think we watch too many movies — our selections are now pulled from obscure corners of Hollywood Video because we have run out of both mainstream selections and non-mainstream stuff we've heard of. We can no longer fall back on any movie starring Dante Basco or Adam Beach — we've seen them all. (And we're caught up on all of our shows except "Ugly Betty.")
So now we're grabbing random stuff like "American Chai" off the "special interest" shelf and you know what? We've seen a lot of decent movies lately doing that.
For instance, I rented "Step Up 2 The Streets" and watched it three times, back to back. (To be fair, I fastforwarded through the "movie" parts and just watched the dancing the second and third time.) Name a dance movie filmed after 1995 and I guarantee I've seen it, from "Honey" to "How She Move."
I'm also a pushover for cheesy ice-skating movies (somehow, these are connected in my head). Which is why I watched the third "Cutting Edge" movie last night. It was cute, even though it was honestly a really bad movie. It was also almost identical, script-wise, to the first, except the hockey player and figure skater switched genders. And I'd watch it again, too. *shifty eyes* I have horrible taste in movies, I think. My roommate was not quite as entranced by the awfulness, though.
And then we watched "Marigold," which was an attempt to blend Bollywood and Hollywood, and had Nikkiessica from "Heroes" in it. It wasn't too bad, either. I have to admit I cried near the end. It was pretty cute — standard script, but pretty cute.
What we really wanted to rent was "The Forbidden Kingdom." We actually had a conversation with the rental guy about it — he wanted to know what we liked about it, because it really was a standard "white kid goes back in time to non-white place, kicks ass and takes names" kind of story. But I really loved how they managed to work the whole into the West mythology into the movie, and come on, Jackie Chan and Jet Li in one movie? The choreography was fucking amazing. Plus, Will Stronghold. ("Sky High" was awesome.) But it wasn't released until today, nor was the second season of "Ugly Betty."
I think we watch too many movies — our selections are now pulled from obscure corners of Hollywood Video because we have run out of both mainstream selections and non-mainstream stuff we've heard of. We can no longer fall back on any movie starring Dante Basco or Adam Beach — we've seen them all. (And we're caught up on all of our shows except "Ugly Betty.")
So now we're grabbing random stuff like "American Chai" off the "special interest" shelf and you know what? We've seen a lot of decent movies lately doing that.
Monday, September 8, 2008
My biggest error
I could be leaving work right now. But I purchased a can of Diet Dr Pepper and dammit, that $0.85 will NOT go to waste.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Oh, politics
I'm already sick of the presidential election. I'm not a fan of McCain, and while I liked Obama at first, I'm really unhappy over his stance on Israel/Palestine and now his backpeddling on Iraq.
But you know what? I live in California. It doesn't matter a bit who I vote for, because California's electoral votes will go to Obama.
So I am writing in Stephen Colbert for president.
But you know what? I live in California. It doesn't matter a bit who I vote for, because California's electoral votes will go to Obama.
So I am writing in Stephen Colbert for president.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Gluten update
Called my doctor, described my symptoms and what I found online, and got a second "Yes, give up wheat" opinion. We both agreed that it was silly for me to pay the co-pay just for allergy tests (right now, anyway — she did want me to come in if my health does improve from this).
On the one hand, I really hope this is it. After nearly a decade of dealing with randomcrap health problems, it would be nice to get a handle on them and actually feel good for a change.
On the other hand ... I really like bread. And also pizza and pasta.
Day one on the diet went well, though. And it could be worse. I could be allergic to cats. :-(
On the one hand, I really hope this is it. After nearly a decade of dealing with randomcrap health problems, it would be nice to get a handle on them and actually feel good for a change.
On the other hand ... I really like bread. And also pizza and pasta.
Day one on the diet went well, though. And it could be worse. I could be allergic to cats. :-(
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
*mourns bread*
Since I was in high school, I have had vertigo and several other minor health issues. Four different doctors and an internist have been unable to figure out why — they'll admit I have something going on (except the one doctor who told me I was stressed, depressed and a hypochondriac), but whatever it is is not showing up on blood tests, and the symptoms aren't of the type to warrant any other kinds of tests.
I was talking to my mom yesterday, and realized that I'd been eating a lot of bread the past few weeks, and that my vertigo had spun out of control in the same time period. And then I was thinking about it, and for the period from January through June that I had cut carbs out of my diet entirely (I think I was eating a flour tortilla maybe every other week and very, very occasionally pasta, if that, and nothing else), my vertigo was almost non-existent, and most of the other problems had subsided. And then I was also thinking about how I am mildly lactose intolerant, and how several other health issues disappeared when I cut out 90 percent of the dairy products I eat (I just cannot bring myself to give up cheese, and yogurt has negligible amounts of lactose).
I'm going to try a gluten-free diet for two months, and if that helps, I'll return to the doctor and see if I can get some tests for food allergies.
I'm seriously bummed if it is that, though. Bread's, like, one of my favoritest foods in the world.
EDIT: OMG THERE IS GLUTEN IN EVERYTHING.
Guess that's one way to lose weight. :-/
I was talking to my mom yesterday, and realized that I'd been eating a lot of bread the past few weeks, and that my vertigo had spun out of control in the same time period. And then I was thinking about it, and for the period from January through June that I had cut carbs out of my diet entirely (I think I was eating a flour tortilla maybe every other week and very, very occasionally pasta, if that, and nothing else), my vertigo was almost non-existent, and most of the other problems had subsided. And then I was also thinking about how I am mildly lactose intolerant, and how several other health issues disappeared when I cut out 90 percent of the dairy products I eat (I just cannot bring myself to give up cheese, and yogurt has negligible amounts of lactose).
I'm going to try a gluten-free diet for two months, and if that helps, I'll return to the doctor and see if I can get some tests for food allergies.
I'm seriously bummed if it is that, though. Bread's, like, one of my favoritest foods in the world.
EDIT: OMG THERE IS GLUTEN IN EVERYTHING.
Guess that's one way to lose weight. :-/
Monday, September 1, 2008
Woohoo!
I found my glasses. Let me tell you, having depth perception again after so long is freaking bizarre. And a little nauseating.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Hold up
Found another one: How on earth am I going to do art (artify? articulate?) when a good number of the colors I would need don't actually exist?
With time and patience, I might be able to mix a couple of them, but some I'm pretty sure I would not be able to replicate or approximate with paint. Lights and prisms maybe, but not paint.
A conundrum.
With time and patience, I might be able to mix a couple of them, but some I'm pretty sure I would not be able to replicate or approximate with paint. Lights and prisms maybe, but not paint.
A conundrum.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Paintacular update
Bogged down by inability to find fingerpaints in more than eight colors. This will not do.
Considering getting oil pastels instead. Many colors, but not as fun.
Work is busy.
Considering getting oil pastels instead. Many colors, but not as fun.
Work is busy.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Oh, co-workers
I did not come in for a daytime shift because I felt left out of your daytime conversations about your children's plays or whatever. I know you don't see me often, but I have not learned Spanish since the last time you asked. Oh, and no, I cannot do your work for you now, because I am here to do my own work. NOW GO AWAY.
I am so glad I do not work a day shift normally. I think I would go insane with all the people who come in and talk to you like you don't have something better to do. Especially at the asscrack of 10 a.m. or whenever the hell I put on my headphones to drown out the damned morning people.
I am so glad I do not work a day shift normally. I think I would go insane with all the people who come in and talk to you like you don't have something better to do. Especially at the asscrack of 10 a.m. or whenever the hell I put on my headphones to drown out the damned morning people.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Kind of sad
I haven't been on a dig in at least two years. Closest I've been is visiting museums and historical sites (Sutter's Fort and Chaw'se are my favorites) and reading the trade magazines.
Yet I can still spend over half an hour at the hardware stores looking at Marshalltown trowels.
If the painting thing doesn't work out, I'm gonna go find somewhere where I can volunteer to dig up dead people stuff again. I miss it.
(I am so freaking bored at work right now. And yet Tuesday through Friday I will not even have time for breaks, just watch.)
Yet I can still spend over half an hour at the hardware stores looking at Marshalltown trowels.
If the painting thing doesn't work out, I'm gonna go find somewhere where I can volunteer to dig up dead people stuff again. I miss it.
(I am so freaking bored at work right now. And yet Tuesday through Friday I will not even have time for breaks, just watch.)
A secret
I enjoy typing my blog entries with my eyes closed and then re-reading them for errors. It's super relaxing. But sometimes I'm off one key, and so it's all gibberish, like this:
O emkou tu[omh n;ph emtroes wotj ,u eues c;psed.
Whoops. I fail at being a smartass.
O emkou tu[omh n;ph emtroes wotj ,u eues c;psed.
Whoops. I fail at being a smartass.
Creative outlets
So I made this blog for stuff that doesn't fit elsewhere, and now I have no idea what to write. I've been compartmentalizing my life a LOT lately, for a lot of angsty reasons — my sister's issues have been in and out of our lives a lot lately, I made brief contact with my bio-dad with poor results (rejection really doesn't feel good), and other random craziness.
But I don't really want to write about that. I've been working through that stuff on my own for a long time, and while writing about it can occasionally be cathartic, it's not what I need right now. What I need is a creative outlet.
I used to be a writer, and I loved it. It was such a wonderful way to take a break from whatever was going on in my life for an hour or two and completely lose myself in another person, another world.
I haven't written a word of fiction in months. I've done world building, character design, horrible poetry — but I am just not getting the pleasure from it that I used to. A big part of it is that I am a copy editor — and don't get me wrong, I adore my job — but it has taken my passion for writing away from simply getting the words onto the page. Instead, I prefer the editing stages, to the point where I will find myself poring over a sentence for half an hour, trying to word it just right. Plus, I write for my job, I blog on my own time, and up until a few months ago, I've been writing student papers. I write ALL. THE. TIME.
It's not an outlet for me anymore, it's the default, and sometimes it just feels too much like work.
A friend and I had planned a few years ago to do a series of her art, my synesthesia, but (and this is my fault) it never went anywhere. E. is amazing and probably my favorite artist of all time, but frankly, I just couldn't figure out how to translate my experiences to words in a way that she could art-ify them. And I still can't.
But, while I am a shitty artist, I do think that I could get the point across myself, maybe. Not perfectly, and not as well as she could, but I could at least get stuff on the page. And I think it would be very fun and relaxing to just sit down with some music or some yummy food (my two main triggers) and paint them. Maybe E. could go from there, or maybe not, but I think this is exactly the outlet I need right now. One where I don't have to think too hard and can still create something beautiful (to me, at least).
Hmm.
But I don't really want to write about that. I've been working through that stuff on my own for a long time, and while writing about it can occasionally be cathartic, it's not what I need right now. What I need is a creative outlet.
I used to be a writer, and I loved it. It was such a wonderful way to take a break from whatever was going on in my life for an hour or two and completely lose myself in another person, another world.
I haven't written a word of fiction in months. I've done world building, character design, horrible poetry — but I am just not getting the pleasure from it that I used to. A big part of it is that I am a copy editor — and don't get me wrong, I adore my job — but it has taken my passion for writing away from simply getting the words onto the page. Instead, I prefer the editing stages, to the point where I will find myself poring over a sentence for half an hour, trying to word it just right. Plus, I write for my job, I blog on my own time, and up until a few months ago, I've been writing student papers. I write ALL. THE. TIME.
It's not an outlet for me anymore, it's the default, and sometimes it just feels too much like work.
A friend and I had planned a few years ago to do a series of her art, my synesthesia, but (and this is my fault) it never went anywhere. E. is amazing and probably my favorite artist of all time, but frankly, I just couldn't figure out how to translate my experiences to words in a way that she could art-ify them. And I still can't.
But, while I am a shitty artist, I do think that I could get the point across myself, maybe. Not perfectly, and not as well as she could, but I could at least get stuff on the page. And I think it would be very fun and relaxing to just sit down with some music or some yummy food (my two main triggers) and paint them. Maybe E. could go from there, or maybe not, but I think this is exactly the outlet I need right now. One where I don't have to think too hard and can still create something beautiful (to me, at least).
Hmm.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Blogging goes personal
I started blogging in 2000 with a LiveJournal account. I cancelled my account in 2006 and have not had a personal blog since — I had a current events/social activism blog for a year and a half (currently on long-term hiatus due to burn-out), a half-finished book review blogging project, a very short-lived travel blog, a work-related blog with two co-workers, and most recently a World of Warcraft blog (yes, I am a geek), but despite all of these projects, there are things that I would like to blog about that are not "on topic" for any of them (except the work blog, but I would rather be anonymous to most of the Internet).
Thus, a personal blog.
And now I'm freezing up about what to write about! So I guess I could do a quick intro, but warning — I suck at these.
I'm a hapa chick from California, born in the Bay Area, raised in the Central Valley, lived for a while in Queens, N.Y. I like writing, history, genealogy, archaeology, and general research. I'm a huge SF/F geek, I play video games (well, Tekken, WoW, and an Avatar spin-off), I'm a grammar fanatic due mostly to my job as a copy editor, and I have a fondness for long sentences with lots of parentheticals. Oh, and I also like cooking and food in general, scrapbooking, and languages, particularly Latin.
I guess the rest will come out on its own as I write.
Thus, a personal blog.
And now I'm freezing up about what to write about! So I guess I could do a quick intro, but warning — I suck at these.
I'm a hapa chick from California, born in the Bay Area, raised in the Central Valley, lived for a while in Queens, N.Y. I like writing, history, genealogy, archaeology, and general research. I'm a huge SF/F geek, I play video games (well, Tekken, WoW, and an Avatar spin-off), I'm a grammar fanatic due mostly to my job as a copy editor, and I have a fondness for long sentences with lots of parentheticals. Oh, and I also like cooking and food in general, scrapbooking, and languages, particularly Latin.
I guess the rest will come out on its own as I write.
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