Creative outlets

So I made this blog for stuff that doesn't fit elsewhere, and now I have no idea what to write. I've been compartmentalizing my life a LOT lately, for a lot of angsty reasons — my sister's issues have been in and out of our lives a lot lately, I made brief contact with my bio-dad with poor results (rejection really doesn't feel good), and other random craziness.

But I don't really want to write about that. I've been working through that stuff on my own for a long time, and while writing about it can occasionally be cathartic, it's not what I need right now. What I need is a creative outlet.

I used to be a writer, and I loved it. It was such a wonderful way to take a break from whatever was going on in my life for an hour or two and completely lose myself in another person, another world.

I haven't written a word of fiction in months. I've done world building, character design, horrible poetry — but I am just not getting the pleasure from it that I used to. A big part of it is that I am a copy editor — and don't get me wrong, I adore my job — but it has taken my passion for writing away from simply getting the words onto the page. Instead, I prefer the editing stages, to the point where I will find myself poring over a sentence for half an hour, trying to word it just right. Plus, I write for my job, I blog on my own time, and up until a few months ago, I've been writing student papers. I write ALL. THE. TIME.

It's not an outlet for me anymore, it's the default, and sometimes it just feels too much like work.

A friend and I had planned a few years ago to do a series of her art, my synesthesia, but (and this is my fault) it never went anywhere. E. is amazing and probably my favorite artist of all time, but frankly, I just couldn't figure out how to translate my experiences to words in a way that she could art-ify them. And I still can't.

But, while I am a shitty artist, I do think that I could get the point across myself, maybe. Not perfectly, and not as well as she could, but I could at least get stuff on the page. And I think it would be very fun and relaxing to just sit down with some music or some yummy food (my two main triggers) and paint them. Maybe E. could go from there, or maybe not, but I think this is exactly the outlet I need right now. One where I don't have to think too hard and can still create something beautiful (to me, at least).

Hmm.