Weird thoughts

I was thinking about my bio-father earlier today. When I first decided to find him and contact him four years ago, I was kind of obsessive about it. It's like once I decided to care, I was making up for 22 years of pretending he didn't exist or something. Anyway, I Googled him daily, I read everything he wrote — bizarrely, he is a Civil War history buff, which is one of the few areas of U.S. history I obsess over myself.

I wrote him, and got a sterile, typed letter back with medical info I asked for and a request not to contact him or any of the rest of my family. So I obsessed over that for a while, because it hurt. But I got over it.

I don't really think about him that often any more — I still Google him on occasion, but it's certainly not a daily thing. I do wonder about my sisters (whom he didn't tell me about, but like I said, Google) sometimes, but really, I've moved on. That side of my family will not be a part of my life, and while that sucks, obsessing over it will not help in the least.

Every once in a while, though, I fantasize about him writing me or calling me or showing up at my door, and try to figure out how I would react. Would I welcome him? After the way he's treated me for 26 years, doubtful; besides, I already have a real dad. We're unconnected by DNA, but he raised me all the same, and I'd never betray him just because of a blood tie that's apparently worthless. But I don't know if I'd be able to just hang up, or toss the letter, or close the door in his face, either. I don't know if I could. I'm too curious.

Weird, considering I've never met the guy or spoken to him.

Not to get all emo

But the thing I miss the absolute most about college/New York/being 20 is that back then, there were always people around (and awake). I love to be alone and all, but damn, would it be nice to have some company at 2:20 a.m. sometimes, you know? I want the option. But now that I'm a grown-up (which sucks!) and half my friends are married and have day jobs or children or both, I never have anyone to hang out with. When I wake up, everyone I know is at work, and when I get home, everyone I know is asleep. It sucks.

I really miss New York for this reason more than any other. No matter what day it is, what time of day, what your mood is, whatever, there's always SOMETHING to do. I want that back. Only with better food and occasional sunshine.

I cannot believe it

How have I lived 26 years without know about this movie?

"Breaker! Breaker!" (1977) stars Chuck Norris as a "martial arts trucker whose kid brother disappears in a redneck town run by a corrupt judge." That is the exact description as given by my OnDemand service.

PRE-BEARD CHUCK NORRIS. OMG. (They must have used makeup to hide the other fist.) This is by far not the most ridiculous part of this movie.

EDIT: This movie has everything! Blackmail using children, deformed teddy bears, see-through helicopters, crazy doll ladies, a jail cell furnished with honest-to-God HAY, and Chuck Norris kicking a whole lot of ass.

Makes me wish I was a martial arts trucker.

WTB free health care

If we're now a socialist country — and I assume that we are, since our government is nationalizing Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and with the stock market bailout and all — can we at least get some universal health care out of it?

The bad part of working nights

Sometimes, I get home at night and I just really feel like being social (as opposed to most nights, where I feel very antisocial and just want to come home and watch "Ghosthunters" or whatever).

Only no one I know is awake at 1:30 a.m. except my co-workers.

So sometimes I open random AIM chatrooms and have conversations with myself.

*shifty eyes*

A conundrum

I think the lyrics to "Bounce" are pretty horrible ... but the song itself is super catchy. Kinda like "Back That Ass Up."

Funniest. Shit. Ever.

"Badass of the Week: Osceola" is so awesome that I cannot properly describe it. So I'll just quote it.

It wasn't long before the Seminoles began fighting back like a self-reliant housewife in a bad Lifetime Original Movie. Though he had no supplies, little in the way of weapons, and no reinforcements to speak of, Osceola took his war parties against the full might of the U.S. Army like a squadron of X-Wings assaulting the Death Star in the space above Yavin IV. He launched hit-and-run attacks against technologically and numerically superior American patrols, flying in out of nowhere, ambushing the shit out of the enemy, killing anyone foolish enough to not immediately run screaming into the woods, and then looting the supply trains. Using these tactics, Osceola was able to secure a large stockpile of weapons and medical supplies, which he then used to launch raids on American villages and towns. The contant Seminole attacks had many panicked white settlers taking the first train back to Whiteyville, and the tribes bolstered their numbers by destroying a bunch of huge plantations and recruiting the freed slaves into their ranks.

Seriously, go read the whole thing, it's fantastic. The other ones probably are, too; this is just the one I got in my e-mail. *goes to read the rest*

Hidden wheat

Do you know what has wheat in it? Fucking SOY SAUCE. What the hell?

It's a good thing I prefer my sticky rice plain as God intended it, or I'd be pretty pissed right now.

Movies

I am a total sucker for horrible dance and dance-related movies. I swear, there is something wrong with me.

For instance, I rented "Step Up 2 The Streets" and watched it three times, back to back. (To be fair, I fastforwarded through the "movie" parts and just watched the dancing the second and third time.) Name a dance movie filmed after 1995 and I guarantee I've seen it, from "Honey" to "How She Move."

I'm also a pushover for cheesy ice-skating movies (somehow, these are connected in my head). Which is why I watched the third "Cutting Edge" movie last night. It was cute, even though it was honestly a really bad movie. It was also almost identical, script-wise, to the first, except the hockey player and figure skater switched genders. And I'd watch it again, too. *shifty eyes* I have horrible taste in movies, I think. My roommate was not quite as entranced by the awfulness, though.

And then we watched "Marigold," which was an attempt to blend Bollywood and Hollywood, and had Nikkiessica from "Heroes" in it. It wasn't too bad, either. I have to admit I cried near the end. It was pretty cute — standard script, but pretty cute.

What we really wanted to rent was "The Forbidden Kingdom." We actually had a conversation with the rental guy about it — he wanted to know what we liked about it, because it really was a standard "white kid goes back in time to non-white place, kicks ass and takes names" kind of story. But I really loved how they managed to work the whole into the West mythology into the movie, and come on, Jackie Chan and Jet Li in one movie? The choreography was fucking amazing. Plus, Will Stronghold. ("Sky High" was awesome.) But it wasn't released until today, nor was the second season of "Ugly Betty."

I think we watch too many movies — our selections are now pulled from obscure corners of Hollywood Video because we have run out of both mainstream selections and non-mainstream stuff we've heard of. We can no longer fall back on any movie starring Dante Basco or Adam Beach — we've seen them all. (And we're caught up on all of our shows except "Ugly Betty.")

So now we're grabbing random stuff like "American Chai" off the "special interest" shelf and you know what? We've seen a lot of decent movies lately doing that.

My biggest error

I could be leaving work right now. But I purchased a can of Diet Dr Pepper and dammit, that $0.85 will NOT go to waste.

Oh, politics

I'm already sick of the presidential election. I'm not a fan of McCain, and while I liked Obama at first, I'm really unhappy over his stance on Israel/Palestine and now his backpeddling on Iraq.

But you know what? I live in California. It doesn't matter a bit who I vote for, because California's electoral votes will go to Obama.

So I am writing in Stephen Colbert for president.

Gluten update

Called my doctor, described my symptoms and what I found online, and got a second "Yes, give up wheat" opinion. We both agreed that it was silly for me to pay the co-pay just for allergy tests (right now, anyway — she did want me to come in if my health does improve from this).

On the one hand, I really hope this is it. After nearly a decade of dealing with randomcrap health problems, it would be nice to get a handle on them and actually feel good for a change.

On the other hand ... I really like bread. And also pizza and pasta.

Day one on the diet went well, though. And it could be worse. I could be allergic to cats. :-(

*mourns bread*

Since I was in high school, I have had vertigo and several other minor health issues. Four different doctors and an internist have been unable to figure out why — they'll admit I have something going on (except the one doctor who told me I was stressed, depressed and a hypochondriac), but whatever it is is not showing up on blood tests, and the symptoms aren't of the type to warrant any other kinds of tests.

I was talking to my mom yesterday, and realized that I'd been eating a lot of bread the past few weeks, and that my vertigo had spun out of control in the same time period. And then I was thinking about it, and for the period from January through June that I had cut carbs out of my diet entirely (I think I was eating a flour tortilla maybe every other week and very, very occasionally pasta, if that, and nothing else), my vertigo was almost non-existent, and most of the other problems had subsided. And then I was also thinking about how I am mildly lactose intolerant, and how several other health issues disappeared when I cut out 90 percent of the dairy products I eat (I just cannot bring myself to give up cheese, and yogurt has negligible amounts of lactose).

I'm going to try a gluten-free diet for two months, and if that helps, I'll return to the doctor and see if I can get some tests for food allergies.

I'm seriously bummed if it is that, though. Bread's, like, one of my favoritest foods in the world.

EDIT: OMG THERE IS GLUTEN IN EVERYTHING.

Guess that's one way to lose weight. :-/

Woohoo!

I found my glasses. Let me tell you, having depth perception again after so long is freaking bizarre. And a little nauseating.